Cats Suck

Kitty of Death? Oscar the cat, who lives at a nursing home and hospice in Providence, R.I., showed an uncanny knack for predicting when patients were going to die by curling up next to them during their final hours.

Cats are evil. They are completely and totally evil. I hate them. Black cats are bad luck. How about all cats are bad luck. There are many reasons I hate cats, let me name a few.

1. Litter boxes smell. Give me a dog that you let outside and it takes a crap in the backyard any day. Litter boxes smell and they are disgusting. Don't buy into all that crap that says you can buy certain kinds of litter that won't make it smell. It will smell. It always smell. I can smell it the instant I enter a house with a cat. It's disgusting.
2. Cats are terrorists. Some people think cats are smart. They aren't. They're dumb. Many people think they are smart because they lurk around corners and are sort of a recluse. You know what we call people that do that? Unabombers. Terrorists. They are really just staying away from you and trying to make you think they are smart when they are really sneaking off and peeing in your closet on your shoes.
3. Hairballs. Is there anything more disgusting than a cat hacking up a hairball?
4. They are assholes. Try containing a cat who is supposed to be your pet and they will just go where they want to go. They are uncontrollable pieces of shit. They will tear up you curtains, your furniture, everything else. They will go in all rooms of the house and deposit their hair, their pee, and their poop. They will knock shit over, and then when you try to find them to discipline them, they will take out their claws and hack the shit out of your arms. Assholes.
5. They don't love. Dogs love you at all times of the day. Cats love you when they want food or when it is most convenient for them. If you've had a bad day, a cat really couldn't give a shit. They'll probably just try and claw your eyes out. That may work for some of you out there, but it doesn't work for me.
6. Sleeping trouble. Ever try to sleep restfully with a cat nearby. You can't. They climb and jump all night. They get in fights with random shit like tissues and remote controls. You'll wake up and have a cat resting on your head. You'll awaken very quickly when the cat takes a swipe at your privates with its claws.

So have fun all you cat-lovers out there. I'll stick with my dog. You can deal with the spawn of Satan on your own.