I'm Back Bitches

There is plenty to rant about. So I'll be back ranting.

Greatest Sports Movies!

These aren't the greatest sports movies of all time, because I haven't personally seen all of them. I have seen most of them, but definitely not all. I will separate them by sport, because each sport presents its own degree of difficulty.

Baseball - Bad News Bears (the original with Walter Matthau)
Honorable Mentions - The Natural, The Rookie, The Sandlot

Football - Rudy
Honorable Mentions - All the Right Moves, Friday Night Lights, Varsity Blues

Hockey - Slapshot
Honorable Mention - Miracle, The Mighty Ducks

Basketball - Hoosiers
No other movie even comes close.

Hot Air Balloons

I saw a hot air balloon while I was driving around yesterday and I wondered, what is the appeal of these things? They are slow-moving, noisy, floating baskets, which have absolutely no value at all. There are many better options out there if you want to fly through the air, the faster the better. Stupid hot air balloons. They float slowly through the sky, providing no value whatsoever. The only value I can even see is if you are sightseeing, but there are many better options. So, here is my list of things to do or have fly you around if you seek above-ground thrills other than hot air balloons:

• Jet Pack
• Helicopter
• Plane
• Hang-glider
• Blimp
• Flying Saucer (you'll have to entice an alien to abduct you first, or you can just call up the US military and they can hook you up, they've been storing one at Area 51 for the last couple of decades)
• Sky-diving
• Bungee Jumping
• Rollercoasters (not actually flying, but a lot of fun)
• Base Jumping

It's Still a Damn Poodle

Recently there has been an obsession with cross-breeding poodles. People say they do this so that the dog doesn't shed. That's fine and all, but hell, I'd put up with the damn allergies before I EVER bought anything bred with a poodle. See, it is still a poodle. You still just bought one of the most effeminate dogs in the world. Poodles are annoying, neurotic, curly-haired, and they bite. Guess what? Your new designer dog will still do all of those things. But it won't shed. And you can walk that curly haired freak around your neighborhood and be proud. You are walking the gayest dog in the neighborhood for sure. So whether it is a Chi-Poo, Cockapoo, Schnoodle, Goldendoodle, Labradoodle, or Yorkipoo; your dog is still a dumb damn poodle. And don't tell me it is a pure-bred Goldendoodle or something stupid like that. A mixed breed is never pure-bred. It is a mutt that they are now trying to sell for $1000! See much logic in that? I sure as hell don't. But it won't shed, and that is the most important thing!

Clowns

Clowns are creepy. I am not personally afraid of clowns, but many people understandably are. They dress up in funny outfits and wear a lot of makeup and big noses and wigs and weird hats and all that shit. I don't understand the fascination with clowns and why they seem to show up at kid's birthday parties. They are creepy sons of bitches and have no place in our society. Anyone who would want to be a clown is also creepy. They are probably just a failed stand-up comic or magician.