Greatest Sports Movies!

These aren't the greatest sports movies of all time, because I haven't personally seen all of them. I have seen most of them, but definitely not all. I will separate them by sport, because each sport presents its own degree of difficulty.

Baseball - Bad News Bears (the original with Walter Matthau)
Honorable Mentions - The Natural, The Rookie, The Sandlot

Football - Rudy
Honorable Mentions - All the Right Moves, Friday Night Lights, Varsity Blues

Hockey - Slapshot
Honorable Mention - Miracle, The Mighty Ducks

Basketball - Hoosiers
No other movie even comes close.

Hot Air Balloons

I saw a hot air balloon while I was driving around yesterday and I wondered, what is the appeal of these things? They are slow-moving, noisy, floating baskets, which have absolutely no value at all. There are many better options out there if you want to fly through the air, the faster the better. Stupid hot air balloons. They float slowly through the sky, providing no value whatsoever. The only value I can even see is if you are sightseeing, but there are many better options. So, here is my list of things to do or have fly you around if you seek above-ground thrills other than hot air balloons:

• Jet Pack
• Helicopter
• Plane
• Hang-glider
• Blimp
• Flying Saucer (you'll have to entice an alien to abduct you first, or you can just call up the US military and they can hook you up, they've been storing one at Area 51 for the last couple of decades)
• Sky-diving
• Bungee Jumping
• Rollercoasters (not actually flying, but a lot of fun)
• Base Jumping

It's Still a Damn Poodle

Recently there has been an obsession with cross-breeding poodles. People say they do this so that the dog doesn't shed. That's fine and all, but hell, I'd put up with the damn allergies before I EVER bought anything bred with a poodle. See, it is still a poodle. You still just bought one of the most effeminate dogs in the world. Poodles are annoying, neurotic, curly-haired, and they bite. Guess what? Your new designer dog will still do all of those things. But it won't shed. And you can walk that curly haired freak around your neighborhood and be proud. You are walking the gayest dog in the neighborhood for sure. So whether it is a Chi-Poo, Cockapoo, Schnoodle, Goldendoodle, Labradoodle, or Yorkipoo; your dog is still a dumb damn poodle. And don't tell me it is a pure-bred Goldendoodle or something stupid like that. A mixed breed is never pure-bred. It is a mutt that they are now trying to sell for $1000! See much logic in that? I sure as hell don't. But it won't shed, and that is the most important thing!

Clowns

Clowns are creepy. I am not personally afraid of clowns, but many people understandably are. They dress up in funny outfits and wear a lot of makeup and big noses and wigs and weird hats and all that shit. I don't understand the fascination with clowns and why they seem to show up at kid's birthday parties. They are creepy sons of bitches and have no place in our society. Anyone who would want to be a clown is also creepy. They are probably just a failed stand-up comic or magician.

Bobby Knight and Others

Many many many sports reporters and other notable people in the sports industry make their picks for the NCAA champion and fill out a bracket that they let everyone else see. They make many bold predictions, because bold predictions get you noticed, safe ones do not. This goes the same with all sports. My question is, how come we don't hold them accountable for these bold predictions. If they make a prediction, and it turns out to be the complete horseshit we originally thought it should be, shouldn't they lose their job or suffer some sort of consequence? They should at least have to endure some sort of humiliation.
Take these two items for example. On TNT to start the NBA season, Charles Barkley said the Cavs wouldn't make the playoffs. The team that won the Eastern Conference last year wouldn't even make the playoffs this year. As it sits now they are easily one of the best teams in the East and are seeded 4th out of 8 playoff teams, very similar to where they are last year. I already didn't respect his opinion before this, but shouldn't we and many others hold him accountable for this? He made a statement meant only to garner attention and tried to pass it off as an objective opinion. What a moron, in my opinion, he shouldn't have a job. My second example is Bobby Knight. He hated the media as a coach and has now joined them. Then ESPN had all sorts of build-up to him picking Pitt to win the NCAA championship. Then they lost in the 2nd round. Now they are still having all sorts of buildup to Bobby Knight picking the Sweet 16. Shouldn't we already assume he knows absolutely nothing about what is going to happen since the team he picked to win it all only won 1 game instead of the required 6? Why would I care what he has to say now? Why does he still have credibility?
Anyway, this always brings me back to my same point that people like Charles Barkley and Bob Knight and Lou Holtz who are no damn good as sports reporters or TV analysts shouldn't have jobs. They played or coached in a sport and made a hell of a lot of money doing it. Those jobs should now go to those who studied or earned their way up the ranks in the sports analyst world. They would do a much better job, and we wouldn't get spit on by Lou Holtz.

Art Stolen in Heist

http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/02/11/art.theft/index.html?iref=mpstoryview

When I read this article I started laughing. I guess I only thought this sort of thing happened in movies like Entrapment, Thomas Crown Affair, and other robber glorifying movies. I didn't think that paintings were actually swiped in real life. In the movies it is always so hard to rob these places that I didn't think anyone would actually ever really try it and get away with it. Perhaps they aren't as hard to steal as they are in the movies....

Two First Names

Individuals who have 2 First Names for their First Name and Last Name annoy me slightly less than those who have Unisex names. Those with a First Name for a Last Name are doomed so there is really nothing that can be done about this unless those people stop reproducing. So here is a list of some of the offending names, most of which are celebrities:

Ricky Bobby
Gary Baxter
Frank Thomas
George Brett
Hank Aaron
Nolan Ryan
Ron Paul
Bill Murray
Rick James
Chris Paul

If These Two Could Mate.......

If Lou Holtz and Reche Caldwell could somehow have a baby together, this is what it would look like........

Baseball Writers of Moronica

Goose Gossage was elected to the Hall of Fame today. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with Goose going into the Baseball Hall of Fame. In my opinion, he is deserving. I just want to know what happened. Why wasn't he elected in 2000, or 2001, or 2002, or 2003, or 2004, or 2005, or 2006, or 2007? Why was he elected in 2008? Did he unretire and record 30 saves this year that I don't know about? I didn't think so. In my opinion, if you are deserving of the Hall of Fame, you are deserving of the Hall of Fame. There are no in-betweens. If a writer votes for a guy the first year on the ballot, he should vote for him every year. If a writer doesn't vote for a guy, he should never vote for a guy. They didn't go out and magically get better stats or become more historically significant.
So my point is this. If a baseball player is good enough to be in the Baseball Hall of Fame, he is good enough the first year on the ballot and every subsequent year. He doesn't get better or worse. There is no need to elect a player every year and there is no need to limit the number of elections in a year.

Message to ESPN, Fox, CBS, ABC, etc.....

What the hell are the requirements to be a sportscaster nowadays? It seems like you have to be an ex-player or ex-coach and that you can't have an original thought. You also shouldn't be able to speak coherently or know anything about the sport you are talking about.

It pains me to watch sports on TV because the announcers are awful. They don't know the rules and are guessing most of the time. They offer no valuable information whatsoever. It seems that any ex-player gets a free pass to be an idiot and a network will hire them. No matter how dumb they sound. They are taking jobs away from sports broadcasters who are actually good at what they do but don't have a famous face. Do these ex-players and ex-coaches actually need the money? The sports broadcasters who's jobs they are taking do. They weren't professional athletes making millions.

I could pick on a lot of different sportscasters but I figure I'll focus on one guy who pains me to watch and listen to. That diminutive man is Lou Holtz. I have no idea why he was hired. He will be 71 years old the same day that I am 25 years old, 2 days from now. He retired from football, can we please retire him from talking about football as well? He is a complete idiot. He looks retarded. When he talks it sounds like he has a lisp and a studder at the same time. It sounds like he is choking on his own saliva when he talks. Please get him off the air. Please develop some new job requirements that require your sportscasters have intelligent things to say and are articulate enough to say them.

Tom Brady Knows Everything

“After that debacle of a game with Jessica being flashed on the screens during every play, Tom told Tony to put a stop to allowing Jess to come to games. Think about it: How often do you see Gisele [Bundchen] cheering Tom on?” said a friend of Brady’s.

Brady and Gisele have been dating for nearly a year, and according to a friend, even if the Patriots make the Super Bowl, “Gisele will likely know enough to keep away. Unlike Jessica, she realizes football is more than just a game, it’s his career.”

These quotes are hilarious. Tom thinks he knows everything now. Go back to BAHHHSTUN you dumb sonofabitch. Why should it bother you if some chick comes to a game. There are 70,000 fans in the stands. Deal with it. You are right, it is your career, so go out there and play the game and don't worry about who is there. I hope it is New England against Dallas in the Super Bowl and I hope Jessica Simpson comes to the game. Then I hope Tony Romo lights up your fahhkin team for 400 yards and 4 TDs. You think you know everything now don't you Tommy Brady? Here's some advice, only Bo knew everything.